If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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