The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
