Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
