First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
