Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
