Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
