I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
