the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
