I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
