too bad you live with your parents still
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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