Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
