I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
