apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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