I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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