I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
