So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
