you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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