you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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