genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
