My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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