i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
