I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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