You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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