You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize