is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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