wanna go halves on a baby?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
