I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the day after is always just damage control
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
