you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
