woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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