i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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