I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
