remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
pray to the hookup gods
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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