He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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