Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
