That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
