She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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