Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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