She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
