You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
