She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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