Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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