i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love you. Go after that dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize