You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
