so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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