hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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