My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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