I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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