we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
