Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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