nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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