its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
