There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
