Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you never un-have a 4some
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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