I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
