two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
