he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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