Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
