he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
