I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
