Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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