come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
