i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
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is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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