dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
