Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
