I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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