you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
