Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
